Joyce's story

first time

2011-12-08T21:36:00.000-08:00

不知不觉在这里已经三个月了，从开始不认识你，直到sst family day的时候才有机会跟你接触。过后我们就慢慢开始熟络了。一开始我看见你耳朵戴耳环，所以还以为你是gay的，但你告诉我你不是。后来，我们还有两个人一起去看电影。一开始，我真的对你没意思的，纯粹只想有个朋友一起出去而已。后来也许是日久生情吧，我发觉我越来越喜欢跟你一起相处的时候。也许有很多第一次很是跟你吧，我人生第一次煲汤是煲给你喝，第一次煮糖水也是给你。虽然蛋治不是我第一次的杰作，但在沙巴我第一次做蛋治早餐也是想让你尝试。我知道你有女朋友，但你却告诉我你其实想跟她分手的，只是她不肯，而你又做不出，所以你告诉我你等她开口提出。我觉得你是对我有点好感的，因为这样我才一直放不下你。我真的真的曾经告诉过自己，不可以再这样下去！但第二天醒来过后，我却有一种很舍不得你的感觉，很强烈，强到我无法对你狠下心。我知道你并不想在大学里拍拖，而且你是名花有主了。不过你也曾经说过你对我是有好感的，哪怕只是很少很少。你也说过你会尝试对我好一点，那一个星期你真的对我比平常好很多，我告诉你我饿了，你还特地早一点带饼干给我吃。那一刻，我真的很感动！可是后来不知发生什么事，你对我好冷淡，差不多变成陌生人了。我不想事情演变成这样，就算你不喜欢我，也请你不要对我那样冷。因为此时此刻我真的很喜欢你，喜欢到我无法欺骗我自己，我对你的喜欢已经是满满了，满到我自己都无法负荷了。。。

Am I fall 4 u?

2010-07-13T05:00:00.000-07:00

this few days I keep waiting for u to on9.. but I realized that u not on msn everyday.. so miss u at d moment~~

dropping of tears

2010-06-07T07:12:00.000-07:00

I realized I still love u... what should I do? except everyday missing u, crying.. I can't even concentrate on other things..really painful..

I am still loving u

2010-06-05T08:28:00.001-07:00

Started from 4th June 2010, I am alone… I made a decision to leave him… that time I really don’t know whether my decision was correct or not, but now I think maybe I had made the wrong decision. In these 2 days, I really miss him like crazy…I realized I still love him, but there is already no way to turn back.. maybe I got regret, but I still have to continue my pathway for my future… but one thing I am sure, I broke up with him NOT because I am no longer loving him, is just I use another way to love him n myself. But I will save him in my deepest heart.. I strongly believe that if we got fate, we will be together back in the future.. I hope I can celebrate your birthday with u in next year with girl friend status.. I love you and I miss you

2010-04-24T08:06:00.000-07:00

been long time din update my blog because I'm kinda lazy..
but today there are many sad things happened to me.. I really feel very very sad and almost can't withstand with it.. but I really thanks to one of my friend, he accompanying me and chat with me in msn until 2am.. he is such a good friend... that night my eyes really cry until swollen already.. but I never tell all these to my family.. till the next day I'm not attending to school.. actually I am quite disappointed because he(my boy friend) don't even trust me...why?! I really did nothing wrong to u... I never betray him... but he rather trust his brother instead of him... I am wonder how his bro can knew my ex bf (a fellow that i regret together with), his brother said that I still haven't break up with my ex bf.. but that is not the truth... I really don't know who is the one that created a story and slander me..but the most sad thing is my bf doesn't want to listen to my explanation n wanted to break up with me.. I keep calling him, sms him try to explain to him. but he doesn't want to listen or answer any of my call.. this week I am really sad..I don't know how to prove to him that I really broke with that fellow long time already.. what can I do right now? I really have no ideas and nearly want to fed up.. can someone tell me what to do? T.T I really don't hope to lose him because I still love him.. I don't know we break up because of misunderstanding.. they might be someone don't want us to be together.. why u so easily trust people.. what can I do u only will trust me?

心痛

2009-11-25T20:23:00.001-08:00

有很多人说爱情是盲目的，如果理智就不是爱情了。但昨天有一个朋友点醒了我，他说虽然他需要爱情，但爱情不是他的全部。他不会太沉醉，不会因为只要有爱，什么问题都可以解决。我仔细想了想他的话，也不全然是错的。真正的爱情是应该为对方付出，而不计回报。只要他开心，你就会开心不是吗？但我做不到那样，也许在这一方面我会比较自私。我不能忍受对方不理睬我那种感觉。昨天当我一封一封的删除你的信息的时候，我的心里真得很痛，就好像一点一滴的删除着我们之间的回忆，但是短痛总好过长痛吧。。。。。。。。

life

2009-08-10T06:34:00.000-07:00

no matter you are happy or not happy, life is still going on~
so be happy... then it is only worth...
because happy or not happy the day still have to pass ~
trying to understand it...and work it out~!! Jia You !

my feelings

2009-08-10T06:33:00.000-07:00

you are no longer live in my heart already... that is what i feel right now

let go of u

2009-08-01T04:10:00.000-07:00

Few weeks ago when I saw his photos in Friendster, I suddenly feel very strange to him…. Feel like he has changed a lot… not the one who staying in my memory already…though his smile n shadow still in my mind clearly.. time really can heals, I almost forget how he looks like, how he treat me badly, how he smell, but I won’t forget the memories between us…
we never been together before, but *u had gave me some sweet time … still remember that time u showed me your medal…. Really so sweet, even your friends also asked me is it we are together………………………but we are not of course... finally n totally let go of u~3 and half year already.. bye

forget about u

2009-06-30T23:57:00.000-07:00

If one day I can remove your handphone number from my friends n family name list, that means I really can forget about u.. but now I still can't make it.. just let time to decide

to u~

2009-06-29T06:10:00.001-07:00

Chances will be given for once only, once u missed it, there might not be another chance .. so you better grab it… maybe you don’t know I am mentioning about u… but yes, I am mentioning about u… chance already given to u… just see whether u can understand what I meant or not..

emotional

2009-06-28T02:52:00.000-07:00

recently i so emo arh... arghhh, feel like wanna shout it out ar!!! no ones can sharing my problems

茅盾的心情

2009-06-20T02:40:00.001-07:00

最近才有机会见会他，因为以前说要出来喝茶的时候就总是空口说白话。。每次见到他的时候，会有一种奇妙的感觉，不知怎么解释。。觉得他好像长大了，变得比之前成熟了，但又觉得他好像从来都没有变过~ 真矛盾~~！

St.John class

2009-06-19T20:57:00.001-07:00

today morning we have a St.John first aid class… but the back door didn’t open, so I have to walk to front door there.. then I walk until half way… Sir saw me n fetch me go to school… wah, my Sir so good ..really!! haha… then when I go into d class, I met my seniors.. they still look good… glad to see them … miss them so much~

the thing that inside my heart

2009-06-16T23:01:00.000-07:00

When you told me ‘nah, I dun miss u tat much’..my heart feel like broken again… actually I know you heart is not with me already… but knowing this is another thing, really can accept is another thing.. till now, I still miss you very much~ especially at night .. I think I m really a silly girl… because till now still cant forget u…. maybe I already put u in d deepest of my heart, for this moment, there might not be anyone can replace u…I knew I have to let go of u… even my friends also advised me … but….. am I really can do so?? I don’t know… let’s c, time will prove it…

my broken heart

2009-05-31T18:21:00.000-07:00

Maybe b4 I really think about want to break up with u, but now when u said it out 1st, at that time I only realized my heart is pain… maybe I love u more than I expected already… or maybe its deeper than d sea… we just together for not so long only, but how come I so sad? Before that I told u I liked sunrise, because its give a hope to us… but now I don’t like sunrise, because every morning I woke up, then I realized how cruel is d reality… without u, time flow so slow, a strong feeling of loneliness in my heart… like my friend said, regret is worse, even worse compared to dying… sorry to say that, I am… but time will heal… but even though my heart is healed, in d deepest, there’s no ones can see…. There is still a scar there, that cannot be healed…my heart is like a fragile glass, once broken, it cannot be back d original one … no matter how hard u try… because its already not a perfectly heart… I thought your heart is with me, but don’t know since when, u already taken out from me…

break up with him

2009-05-31T08:13:00.000-07:00

today he break up with me, I thought I wont cry out, but how come i still crying out, maybe I love him already more than he loves me... I cant see his face right now, so I really don't know whether he is sad or not... but I am really sad ... he is my 1st officially bf...

my seniors

2009-05-16T02:39:00.000-07:00

Today I met back my St.John seniors…. And its make me think back of my form4 that time, I feel very good because can met them again… but I also feel sad ler, because we didn’t talk much like before…. And now I not close with them already….

relationship

2009-05-13T05:26:00.000-07:00

Have been long time didn’t update my blog already…. Today I really feel very tired… from both mental n physical….I try hardly not to let go our relationship, but how come he can easily change his mind… why he always not believed in me, he seems lost confident to our relationship already…I really feel very upset because he also admit that he is losing his confident .. actually I really want to be together with him for very long time , but if he is really lost confidence with our relation, then there is no meaning for me 2 continue already

love

2009-04-24T05:04:00.001-07:00

“I love you” this 3 words is hard to say it out…. But once I tell *u, that means I really meant that..

Unhappy day~

2009-04-21T21:39:00.000-07:00

today i really feel unhappy... I think is because of the uncle that teaching me driving~ He always coming late but going back earlier... but I not even dare to tell him... ask him come earlier... I am useless ar... haizz

Life

2009-04-08T20:29:00.000-07:00

Life is easier to be lose…. So we have to appreciate what we have……

April Fool

2009-04-01T05:40:00.001-07:00

Long time didn’t updated my blog already…. Today is April’s fool… I didn’t fooled anyone because I have no idea what to fool them… but I fooled by few people.. but I am quite smart, so I knew there is just a fool… haha…. Afterward I felt like wanna fool them back, but when I called him, he heard I laughing at there, so he knews… so my mission had failed… haha…. But I did chat with him.. really long time didn’t with him already… feel a bit miss him, like old friends long time din c … I felt so happy because I heard his voice sound with happy tone…. That means he is not feeling sad … or maybe he is successfully hide his real feelings from me…. I just hope he will happy everyday…

Happy Day

2009-03-15T06:33:00.001-07:00

Yesterday went out with 2 friends, one is my kai kor kor, and one more is someone that I know from internet de… I feel still okay with them, but I less talking because I not really have topic chat with them, haha~~ and I don’t know what to talk… actually outing with them that feelings quite enjoyable… about 5pm then I went back home liao, after I reached home, then we still got continue chatting by sms, feel not bad… haha….

my memory

2009-03-04T04:01:00.000-08:00

Now I only realize until now I still cannot forget him, since form3 that time he already in my heart.. everytime I listened that song, the memory of us will automatically come to my mind .. no wonder I love that song so much… because d lyrics are meaningful.. just like my feelings towards him..

I am stupid~

2009-02-26T19:38:00.001-08:00

Recently I don’t know what’s wrong with me… I always online whenever I am free… before that I won’t do so… but now just because of someone… he really makes me feel that I anytime also want to chat with him, but he also makes me feel that myself so useless… sigh… how come I became like that??!!!

Gathering ~~

2009-02-25T02:59:00.001-08:00

Today I went out with my old friends, we went to times square…. Really long time didn’t meet with them already.. so a bit miss them… after I met up with them , then we decided to play bowling.. but after we reach there.. I and one of my friend don’t want to play, after that don’t know why they also following us … so in the end we cancelled this game already… then we went to da gei… but not having a lot of fun also, because we those game ‘eat’ money de.. I n my friend put 2 coins inside but that game machine still don’t have ‘respond’… that is why I said eat money one… then I asked my one of my friend accompany me to play ‘dance floor’…but I not really know how to play… luckily that time my other friends are not beside me… or not sure they laugh at me… haha…. After that we went to yam cha… our chatting voice so loud, until other customers also looking at us…. Haha…. Luckily the waiter didn’t scold us, otherwise we so ‘yu’…

ARH…..went out for almost whole day, now my shoulder so pain ar…. Maybe too stress…

Now I want to rest liao….

New started 2009

2009-02-24T06:35:00.000-08:00

Today got a friend asked me to write a blog… because he said 2009 is new year, so should post some new things.. Yes, I agree with him, so just simply write something…

I like a guy recently…. For me, he is smart but not conceited.. I like to chat with him everyday… but he is not online everyday, so recently I also always on n off, because I am waiting him to on9… I feel I am so useless… I shouldn’t like him, because he is …..(secret), actually I never meet with him… that is why… but d way I knew him is very common…He is not leng zai but I just like him… maybe his studies is very well…and of course the important one is I got feel on him… but nowadays since he did a thing … that made me feel bad…. Because of that I hate him…(not really hate)…Just to say Don’t Like lorzz….. but if I view from his angle, not his fault also… but I Just don’t like…. Actually I should continue to like him or just 4get him? But now I feel I lost interesting toward him ady…

............

2009-01-05T18:24:00.000-08:00

今天是二零零九年一月六日，很多人都说新的开始应该是美好的，但我却是活在痛苦中，我是从去年十二月十九号开始做工的，刚开始时我已经很不喜欢这份工，很想辞职但却得不到支持，妈妈因为经济不好而叫我继续做下去，那我只好遵从。这份工虽然表面上看起来很简单，但其实不竟然。每天都要面对三个坏人，而且我跟他们没话题可聊，所以当他们在counter谈天时，我都是站在前面serve顾客。而我最不满意的是我很讨厌这三个人，自己的东西不做却只会叫我做，可是我又不能不做。。我更讨厌的是有个八婆说会给我九个小时的工钱，所以我没出去吃饭，但最后她只给我八个小时的工钱而已！之后她还贱到说她早就说明给我听了，她明明就是骗我！但我能怎样？！！她总共骗了我十四天。还有更令人讨厌的是这份工公共假期是没有双倍的。。我也很讨厌他们的性格，在顾客走了过后就说在背后说他们！

我终于忍不住在昨天哭了出来，真的憋了很久，我真得很大压力和十分非常超级不喜欢这份工，但却得不到家人的支持与鼓励，他们还是叫我继续做。。其实我的痛苦不止这些，但我已经不知道该怎样形容了，其实这不是我第一次哭，只是上次我是偷偷的哭，我的家人并不知道。我也不想让他们知道。

我真得很想躲起来，让别人找不到我，那我就可以脱离这种痛苦了。我时常在想，妈妈什么时候才会谅解我的处境，说真的，她根本不知道我的痛苦，是没有人可以了解我的！有时真的觉得这个世上没有东西可以让我留念了，因为连最亲的人也不站在我的角度为我着想。难怪别人常说生与死就只是一念之差！

在打着这篇日记时，我已经不知道哭了多少次。。。。。心淡了~

u

2008-11-24T00:36:00.001-08:00

LEt Him Go~

2008-11-22T23:25:00.000-08:00

Finally I can put down my feeling...
Not that like him already..
thanks to Sam for helping me..
If without u, I think now I still suffering..
Thanks so much Sam..

Dont make me too care of u!

2008-11-20T19:11:00.000-08:00

I just want to tell him, don't make me too care of u ~!
or don't always chat with me..
or not I really will start to like u~!
but I know he won't read this blog.because he don't know I got this blog~!

Exam day

2008-11-12T23:14:00.000-08:00

recently having Spm exam... damn tired and have no time to post my blog oh~
Just wanna update something to let my blog to seem nicer..
but like nothing

like someone that don't like me

2008-10-21T07:00:00.000-07:00

I don’t know should I tell this to who?! So I just can write in my blog … recently I like someone already… but for sure he don’t know I already got feel on him, because I didn’t tell him…. I don’t want let he feels ‘afraid feeling’ like what I have experienced before..
May be you guys doesn’t know what I mean… but I’m sure got one person will gets to know what I’m saying.. that’s my friend!

Actually I’m thinking whether want to confess to him about my feeling or not, but at last, I decide not to let him know, because I don’t want to hurt myself… I know he not likes me, he just treat me as his friend only! I don’t know should I feel happy or sad about this~ but when I chatting with him in msn that time, I really feel happy!! I think I will keep this feeling until finish my SPM 1st…

SPM is most important for me now….hope I can get d good result!! But I want to tell him~~ I will like him at this moment!! Hope our relation will be upgrade from friend to best friend or ……!! Anyway, All the best!!

my trip~

2008-09-13T08:46:00.000-07:00

This evening went to kuala selangor with my family…. Actually we want to go to kampong selangor fireflies park… but before we go there, we went to taman melawati first… walao, that place got a lot of monkeys there, so me and my sister not dare to go down from the car….but my brother-in-law just go down only and took many photos at there…. (next time show you guys). There also got many foreigner, and those foreigners take d peanut and feed them…..so the monkeys feel so excited and just follow d that foreigner….the monkeys also climb up on d body of that foreigner….. seems so scary….. but that guy not scared at all…. Those monkeys also very ‘naughty’, they jumping on d top of our car, like open party only…..
Then my sister really very scared of it, so when d monkeys are in front of her that time, she not dare to open her eyes and see….

Afterward we went to eat our dinner!! Because of I cannot eat seafood, so they ordered lemon chicken chop for me, then they ordered another foods to eat…. but that restaurant really too bad la…I mean d taste of the foods…. What the??!! My chicken chop is too sour, then the taufu is too salty….. the fried sotong is too salty also….then d vegetables ….. haiz, I also don’t know how to describe it…. Not I want to critic that restaurant la, but it is really not good lor….i’m not the people who fussy, but also saying like that, then how about for the other peoples? I also don’t know what is their comments leh…. Because I didn’t ask them… haha….

After having our meals , then we went to kampong selangor fireflies park….. after we bought d tickets, then we straight go to with d boat and start to go around that place…. we saw some fireflies at there….. they just looks like a small light bulb only, and they are just keep twinkling at there…. A worker told us actually the life of d fireflies is very short only… they just can live for 2 or 3 months…. And he also told us that we are coming on d not suitable time, because today is fourteen( follows the chinese calendar) , the moon is very bright, so that we cant really view d fireflies of the two sides of us if we are in d middle ~ he said if we come on 1st until 8th , then d views will be more beautiful than today’s one…. But we have missed that…. Never mind, still got many chances…haha…

Sigh, so tired now….have to go to bed already~~ byez my friends~

sad day~

2008-09-11T00:09:00.000-07:00

Today so sad~~ I think my bm test will get d lower marks than my frens liao….. haiz, dun make me start to hate bm this subject….. how come I did a big careless mistake in my novel part….. it’s too bad!! And now is d trial exam leh, it is very very important !! why I so stupid…..when I told my mum about that, she just keep saying ‘how come?!’ then after that she continue to say, I also cant help u in this… And of course she blamed me also la… sigh….. why she don’t want comfort me? But may be she is helping me to face the truth!

Another sad story is just now my friend told me that ‘someone’ don’t wanna be back my friend! I thought I will feel sad about that answer…. But I m not!! I feel nothing with that…. But is it that is my real feeling? Is that I really put him aside? Who can answer me?!! I think nobody can answer me, because I also not even know what I want … but at here I want to say thank you to someone… he is my friend and also his friend~~ Stanley kit kit~ tq so much for helping to ask such that question~ and thanks for comfort me when I’m sad!

If he is viewing my blog, please give me some comments….

Nothing to write already~~ my mood is not that good~ so byez~

what a funny day!

2008-09-07T01:37:00.000-07:00

Today I went to times square with my family, which including my mum, sister and my brother-in-law. Firstly, after we parking our car at times square, then we straight went to law yat because we wanna having our lunch at there. Now, let’s guess what we had ate?
Hehe.. can’t get it correctly right? We are having our lunch at sushi king…..yoo hoo!! And having my favourite meal~~ unagi set….. then my sister has took d crab meat, but it’s too bad, because I cannot eat …

Afterward we went to sg. Wang, and shopping at there… actually I got nothing to buy de, but my sister asked me and mum to go, so we just go lor…. Actually we are just accompanying my sis only….( hopefully she didn’t view my blog, or not sure she will say~ next time don’t want ask u to go out liao) haha… am I so bad?? Saying her thing at her back side..

After we drank too much of water and ate too much of food, so we have to go to toilet…. Some silly thing happened at there… my sister don’t want to go to toilet, so she just wait at outside there, then my brother-in-law went into male toilet, me and my mum went into female toilet…. But both d toilet is not at the same floor.. male toilet is at G floor, and female toilet at LG floor.. so we have to go downstair lor… and afterward we have to go upstair again to meet them.. we are waiting for them at there….but it is too bad, we didn’t see them…. So we just walk around there and try to find them out… but we still can’t found them…suddenly my hp is ringing, they also finding us…. They said they are not at G floor, so me and mum go to LG again… after we have reached LG floor, my hp was ringing again, they asking where were us?! After answering his call, then we went to LG floor again…. OMG!!!! Still didn’t saw them……what d???!!! we have walk up n down again and again already… my hp ringing again, this time my brother-in-law asking where were us clearly, he said he at 1st floor…. How come?? Why they go upstair…..? so tired, we have to go to 1st floor to find them again….sweat …. Afterward I got scolded by my sister. So pity man… I am innocent !!! sob sob…. But it’s nothing for me la, because just now d situation are quite funny, and my sister is not really scold me .. hehe

After finish our ‘shopping’, then her husband (my brother-in-law) just fetch us go back home lor… nothing special liao…. Hehe…..

about my feeling~~

2008-09-06T09:25:00.000-07:00

Recently too many thing happened to me, may be I am too stress or may be I scared or what, I start to become lazy and feel like don’t care in everything, even my studies. My chemistry are so poor, but then I have facing spm this year, now still got 2 months to go. Hopefully my chemistry in my spm at least can get C, I don’t hope I will get d result worse than that. Then I hope my biology can get A, but don’t know it’s possible or not. Hehe…actually I also hope my add maths can get A.

Don’t want talk about this la~~ so now let’s me talk about other thing la.. I felt so lucky bcoz I got a kai kor that very nice…he really is a good person and he will help me if I facing any problem…. But he stay quite far from me, so I long time didn’t see him already, but we are always sms, so our relation is quite good…haha…. Now I really miss him very much…..bcoz he is my lovely kor, I will always love him, but it is not tat kind of ‘love’ , not a couple love… hehe…..hopefully he will always remember me and will never forget me after he graduate..

Recently I feel a bit lonely, because I didn’t like anyone right now…. May be that is a good thing for me, because it will not affect my mood…..and I m facing spm this year, so if I really love a person, I also won’t pak tor in this year …. Somemore nobody like me now…..and I also din love anyone now…..am I still like him?? Someone that I can’t forget in this 3 years…..before that he is really very important for me, but now I think it is NOT! He is no more important for me, but I still caring of him… I hope he will happy everyday, and my Biggest hope is we can be back friend! I will keep our sweet memory in my heart deeply… hopefully he will not forget our sweet memory too….